the beautiful ordinary, we are

wouldn't it be loverly?

2009-04-20T11:08:00.004+10:00

Just in case any of you decide to skip my um, (rather long) explanation..
No one knew about this - at all
&
I'm not keeping this blog alive.
It simply was a personal project of mine that has finally hit its expiry date.

♥

i'm nineteen. laced out; high notes

2009-04-20T00:09:00.014+10:00

I suck at keeping secrets.
I suck at being quiet, hiding my emotions, telling lies.

All of the above.

So exactly a year ago, I decided to challenge myself:
I wanted to see if I could keep a secret for a full year without telling a single soul.
And then it hit me when someone said:

"You know Berl, out of all people, I would've expected you to be a blogger."
Perfect.
_______________________________________________

20/04/2008 marked the start of this little project because
- the year 2004 changed my life completely, and
- I had a feeling the year I entered limbohood (read: turning 19) was going to do the same as well.

(and fuck yes, was I right)

Just to put it out there: I'm no serious writer/blogger.
Personally, I reckon I'm a horrible writer. I can't phrase my ideas well or spit out beautifully written notes. Most of the content in here aren't heavy anyway, so flakies are welcomed to have a go at dissecting my thoughts.
I just like ranting a lot lot lot.
(I've always wanted to send Frankie a brilliantly written writer's rant. I'm still working on it)

On that note, I should mention that I love reminiscing.
And as much as I (used to?) hate blogs, it's pretty overwhelming to look back (electronically) and see what has happened in the past year. This is the bit where I go mentally long winded. I've never babbled like this before, hence this will be the first AND LAST time I do such a thing. It's far too public for my liking.

So here goes.

Trinity came to an end. Fiza/Rais/Shumz/Coco/Basheer/Izzat/Riyana/Brendan/ManPin/Faiz/Sam/Esther/Aisha/Paolo/Nik - with all the love we had to give, we stumbled through the year together. Through all the dance battles at Seven, the times we pretended to be the kononnya "rich" kids at Max Brenners, and the numerous heartbreaks/drama..I thank you for giving me the best year of my life to date. To all readers who are still enrolled in Trinity, I advise you fail the Finals and re-do Trinity again. Don't bother touching university. We all made a mistake by doing so. Ha.

Then I went on to start my freshmen year - which was an epic fail. I was fine academically, but I hated everything about it. Hence why I've decided to start over. That was a definite black mark under the parents' books. Ah well, the bright side is that I now have an entertaining story to tell my kids. Score one for me.

I learned more about friendship.
(doubt you could ever stop learning)
I started my own postal revolution in order to maintain friendships across the ocean and different time zones. I learned to embrace the unwanted reality of dying/dead friendships. With that, I learned how to receive them back with open arms (whenever that was the case). I started sacrificing my personal needs/wants to be the standing pole for those who were far more unstable than me (not that I was any better, really). I came to realize that not everyone is able to give themselves to others as much as I do - and that's okay. I took advantage of the most random opportunities to make friends; from the classmates I thought I wouldn't likely befriend, to the three new friends who kept me company in London during my week in July 2008.

I'm not sure how to say it, and I wished I could've done it better, but:
Yasmin Lane / Amirah Rahmat / Jules Madi / Marisha Naz / Lalitha Wemel / Raja Shah Irshad / Fiza Razali / Shumz Teo / Tallon Mason-Kaine / Claire Scarlett / Kat Cosmano / Coco Quizon / Quincee Lee / Tan Jia-Li / Lizzie Chem / Dewi Hidayat / Warren Chan / Brad Liew / Rais Merican / Imran Basheer / Fareena Aljunid / Mogan Madi / Lee Yee Cheng / Amirah Anis / Laura Stafford / Azreen Nellie / Riyana Zafira / Andy Szentendrassy / Brendan Hong / Eugene Kua / Chelle Francis / Zamil Razak / Farah Hussin / Izzat Osman / Azrain Azlan / Katyana Azman / Man Pin Hsu / Nury Amirah / Azam Rais / May May Leong / Misha Poon / Norin Fahmi / Mateen Rauff / Shen Lim / Banun Atina / Sharifah Sara / Amy Kesha Bal / Ong Vern Ming / Kelsey Rabindran / Amanda Choe / Sean Bourke / Najwa Amira / Lydia Sundra / Nafisah Nadhirah / Jehan Aziz / Anis Syahirah

I (miss+♥♥♥+thank) you, so much.

And,
Claire Scarlett / Kat Cosmano / Sarah Melican / Michelle Pickering / Andy Szentendrassy / Laura Stafford / Taylor Jewell / Sophie Powell / Robin County-Black / Will Horton / Jia Ling Chen / David Claridad / Alistair Roche / Toby Dite / Lakni Algama / Gideon Bosua / Jali Kamte / Eamon Harrington / Brendan Kelly / Hamish Leslie-Kelly / Joann Cottle / Christie Bassett / Renata Rejas / Fernando Tamayo / Eddie Dunstan / Noor Syuhada / Fernanda Suares / Ian LeSueur / Khuong Trinh / Stephanie Speight / Lyn Yap / Mizan Othman / Steph Zambelli / Nigel Lim / Sonya Ong / Taty Azman / Izzie Rizalynnaz / Josie Emanuel / Letichia Salles / Jamie Davidson / Omar Mokhtar

...I'm so (: we became friends; mucho am♥re.

(I have a dreadful feeling I've missed some people. Fingers crossed I didn't)

THAT aside, I went through hell and back again with my family (as if this one was going to get away easy). Complete with funerals, broken communication, costly international phone calls, major financial crisises, mental disorders, extreme anger, bitter grudges, disappointments and my running away from home. I mean we did have a good streak earlier this year, but as of now, we're (still) patching things up. I'm hopeful.
ps/ With regards to certain posts, I didn't know you could write so well, Dems.

2008/2009 brought upon another notable highlight of my life. I fell for a boy that completely changed the way I looked at life and love. A boy that completely swept me off my feet and then broke my heart + spirit down past self-dignity. Sometimes I'll catch myself wishing that he didn't do things he did. Stronger, I did become. Still, he could have saved me a lot of pain. But I guess with that, I learned about both love and loss. So in a way, I'm grateful. Thanks, Rob.
(just don't mistreat the next girl you date, will you?)

& my biggest take-home lesson from the past 366 days?
Learning what it is like to embrace the downs of being human. To be a hypocrite. To be extreme. To go off the tracks. To be the fucked up kid. To be the one talked about by others. To be verbally attacked and harassed by those in power. To be depressed about being discontent. To be hurt. To drop the "glamourous, popular" lifestyle for the apparent "boring, unprogressive" one. To have (impossible) dreams. To be a failure. To disappoint others. To get your heart broken. To be disconnected from the whole world. To feel like you're alone. To struggle in picking yourself up. To forget your priorities temporarily. To lose sense of oneself by fostering the desire to end all means of living.

Because without any of that, I wouldn't have fully appreciated the times when I loved being beautifully ordinary.

Onto the next little project.
Goodbye & goodnight.

back in frank tate

2009-04-19T18:28:00.000+10:00

That was a whole year?
Fcuk. We are so running out of time.

not you two

2009-04-17T16:17:00.000+10:00

Just in case you didn't know, Berlin Liew is now officially known as "Breakup Girlfriend Buddy 911".

Call to book a time slot if necessary.

with that in mind and fifteen days behind me, I went home.

2009-04-16T03:14:00.003+10:00

"I'm really, really sorry I fucked up your childhood. I can't undo the things I've done so that's the best I can sincerely do and say to you right now."

..was the first thing I heard on the phone this morning.

I'M STUTTERING ALL THE WAY TO BALLARAT

2009-04-15T23:50:00.000+10:00

Til today, I've never gone on a holiday with (just) friends.
Perfect timing, really.

Though I have to comment:
1 day + 2 cars + 8 boys?

Never. Again.
(iloveyoulahkorang)

maafkan ku.

2009-04-14T19:48:00.000+10:00

I'm sorry; I've been sloppy.
Here's step #1:

POR QUE?

2009-04-13T22:18:00.001+10:00

So here's what's new.

I'm losing faith in you. All of you.
It's unfortunate that I keep walking in on the bad side of things but it's enough to convince me out of everything I once dreamed of.

Well, okay. This might exclude one person.

Actually, no. Scrap that.
Rewind!

I'm losing faith in you. All of you.

you don't, do you?

2009-04-13T01:29:00.002+10:00

I don't know why you're still prodding me in all the wrong spots (/driving me outrageously mental) but STOP IT.

STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP. IT.

This space was meant for some soul-searching.
Sometimes I fear you'll end up like Troy's mom in The Chumscrubber.

And trust me, I sincerely don't want that to happen.

chickens like marshmallows

2009-04-11T18:01:00.000+10:00

Coincidence of the day:
Out of all times, we started talking about advertisements today.
Especially about television ads that went on air years ago.

& I clearly remember the one we were in back in 1999.
You wore a colourful top, I was clad in denim overalls.
We were meant to be "promoting" a muhibah friendship.

Pfft.
Like we needed to act that one out.

Seventeen years and still counting...

Happy Birthday, Marsh.

CHANCE!

2009-04-10T23:27:00.002+10:00

It's Friday night (not to mention the beginning of our 10-day scrap of a break) and instead of roaming the streets of Melbourne without a care in the world, we decided to gather around a dining table to bid with (read: scream at) each other over the ownership of Montreal, New York and Shanghai.

Sometimes I wonder how I became friends with you lot.
Note to self: Monopoly probably wasn't meant for polite people.

i need a brighter discontent

2009-04-09T20:45:00.003+10:00

There are two feelings I detest incredibly.
The only problem is I can only explain them by using mathematical equations.
(and here I am enrolled in a Media/writing course)

Formula #1:
[suburbia + drugs + olden times + vintage tinge + (demented) naive family values + mental disorders] - reality x repetition

Formula #2:
holidays + being alone - priorities + feel good movies (/music) + thriving night life + perfectionism - escape hatch + being trapped + temptations

stop being stubborn

2009-04-08T10:07:00.001+10:00

May I just announce that I had the luxury of sleeping in for 15 straight hours.
(though that's nothing compared to 16 hours a day, like some people)

pushing the wall

2009-04-06T14:54:00.002+10:00

alcohol + 10 hours on heels + dancing + concerts + 3 hours of sleep + 8km jog + bbq food
=
bedridden.

heyboysandgirrrrrrls

2009-04-05T17:55:00.000+10:00

Freud has this theory where he believes that we, as humans, will never reach self-contentment. That our lives are spent constantly trying for it but never achieving it (fully).

I've spent the past month trying to prove him wrong.

My discovery?
The fucking smartass might actually be right.

i've got my mind set on my winona

2009-04-04T23:44:00.001+11:00

shout when you want to get off the ride*

2009-04-03T23:49:00.000+11:00

april fools, not.

2009-04-02T03:03:00.000+11:00

When I was a toddler (I think I was five), mom told me to "get lost".
So I packed my teddy bear, my favourite Barbie doll, along with a couple of knickknacks and started walking towards the house gate.

I didn't get very far because Aunty Beth found me and asked,
"Where are you going?"
"Mom told me to get lost. So I'm going to get lost"

That was the first time I tried running away from home (without realizing it).
This time, however, I'm completely aware of what I'm doing.

basheer: just keep your love locked down

2009-03-31T22:19:00.001+11:00

GREATEST NEWS EVER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD IN THE HISTORY OF EVER:
The damn doctors misdiagnosed Naf.

:)

But the past two days have left a major impact on me.
If you were told you had less than a year to live, would you be content with yourself and all that you have done?

I know I certainly wont be.
& that's what I'm trying to change.

____________________________________________

Quin: I think you need to take some time off to gather yourself wholly.

anxiety attack on hold

2009-03-30T21:16:00.000+11:00

theimportmodel:
How was your day?

Andy:
Pretty normal. Just a regular one.

theimportmodel:
What I'd give to have that.

dear someone

2009-03-30T02:10:00.000+11:00

I think most of you guys know about her.
She's living my biggest fear; being told she doesn't have long to live.

You're so brave. Seriously.
And I know I haven't been the greatest friend at keeping in touch. But you will always be very dear to me, please know that. I mean, you were there to keep me sane back in high school when we sat around and watch bitches nab boyfriends around us.

Haha.

Hang in there. I'll be home soon.
I love you, Naf.

every dramaqueen needs a break from the life scriptwriter

2009-03-28T23:49:00.000+11:00

hop into the submarine

2009-03-27T01:27:00.000+11:00

You know what?
To (fucking) hell with them Trisses and Tals.

We deserve Nicks and Norahs.
♥ ♪ ♥

hi friend

2009-03-26T01:23:00.002+11:00

I miss you so much, but I wont let myself be a goody bag at your pity party.

we spent RM75 on soft drinks tonight. the five of us

2009-03-26T01:10:00.002+11:00

I was talking about you earlier today.
(I don't think I ever stop talking about you)

I go on about things as if you still exist in my life, rather than just a memory.
But who am I kidding, really.

it's not me, it's you

2009-03-25T00:28:00.007+11:00

To the boy who kindasorta fell on me in MY 9.10am tram on Monday (not that we take note of tram numbers anyway),

please show yourself.
You're absolutely gorgeous.

loud, i need not be

2009-03-24T01:11:00.002+11:00

Name: Berlin
Date: 3/23/2009
Colorgenics Number: 06715234

You are seeking protection against anything which might seem to be exhausting you or tiring you out. It would appear that you are seeking a life of security and physical ease, free from any problem or disturbance.

You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.

You feel that you deserve far more than is being attributed to you, but there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

I couldn't have put it any better.

journals @ the journal

2009-03-22T20:34:00.000+11:00

high school on repeat

2009-03-21T18:38:00.002+11:00

I want to be the girl who can:
- score in uni well enough to get a scholarship next year
- take good care of the close friend who is clinically suicidal (and at the same time, be there for the ones who are depressingly questioning their pursuit to happiness)
- keep her job with ease
- be in touch with those across the pond
- manage cheerleading practice, yoga and dance classes
- find time to write in her journal
- make time for her photographs
- (at the same time) have a life

It's one fucking hell of a struggle, but I think I'm getting there.

my alter ego speaks

2009-03-20T23:29:00.002+11:00

"I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are."

the goodnight song

2009-03-19T02:34:00.002+11:00

What do you do when all you desire is to be able to talk to someone?
(but you scroll through your address book endlessly, unable to cough out a potential gf/bf911)

double?

2009-03-18T23:49:00.000+11:00

Can't read my, can't read my
no he can't read my pokerface.

frank tate isn't beautiful anymore

2009-03-18T00:34:00.000+11:00

I wanted a new start. I thought I could start a new start.

Well, I was wrong.
I need to get out of this city.

and i huffed, and puffed*

2009-03-16T23:36:00.000+11:00

APRILTHIRD.

2009-03-15T22:58:00.000+11:00

I'M BORN CHEAP AND CHEERFUL.
I WANT EXPENSIVE SADNESS.

i spent my saturday night at the hospital. how about you?

2009-03-15T02:39:00.001+11:00

She lies sideways, one tear joining another. You wont see nor notice it because you'll always be on the other side (of the bed). Completely unaware of what is really happening deep inside her. Locked away from all consciousness.

The scariest thing is that it's happening everywhere - all around us.
Yet we wont always know.

fourtwofour

2009-03-12T21:42:00.002+11:00

"I'm not talking about that one. That's the surfer dude. This is my cinema studies comel boy"
"Ok, seriously. I've lost count of all the comel boys we've been eyeing."

break friends.

2009-03-12T02:46:00.000+11:00

Allow me to express my eagerness in wanting to meet a particular scholar who apparently insulted me.

Mengadanya.

never, no.

2009-03-10T23:19:00.000+11:00

So my day went something like this:

10-11: Psychology lecture
12-1: Amnesty Club meeting
1-2: Lunch with Basheer
2.15-4.15: Media & Comm. tutorial
4.15-5.45: Spanish class
6-7.30: Dance class
8-10: Redbacks Cheerleading practice

oknowforbed.

FUTURE

2009-03-08T22:23:00.001+11:00

okay so there was NERD. and basement jaxx. and a bajillion DJs.
but that didn't matter because
I WAS AT THE FRONT ROW FOR CSS.

soijustfinishedslumdog

2009-03-07T19:02:00.000+11:00

IF I give birth to a boy, I don't care what the father says - he is going to be named Dev.
♥

speaker speaker

2009-03-05T23:07:00.000+11:00

trial; passed!

2009-03-04T22:47:00.000+11:00

BERLIN LIEW SCORED THE JOB OF HER DREAMS (at the moment) TODAY!
kabamslamthankyou, mam.

the start of the academic year

2009-03-02T22:18:00.000+11:00

I asked for this.

So please hand it over.

picnic in the cold

2009-03-01T23:50:00.002+11:00

I want to belie♥e again.

ocd cannot tahan

2009-02-28T16:12:00.000+11:00

FUCK YOU, ALLOCATE.
):

i felt like Viktor Navorski*

2009-02-27T23:25:00.000+11:00

destination: not here

2009-02-25T08:32:00.000+11:00

The two of us are hopping onto a plane tonight and running away from Melbourne.
don't try contacting us.

false alert

2009-02-23T18:34:00.000+11:00

bertsleftovers.blogspot.com

obviously wrong time but i have to get this out

2009-02-22T22:12:00.001+11:00

Double bookings = "Yes/NO".
I'm learning; I'm sorry.

you too?

2009-02-21T23:06:00.000+11:00

Look, I don't know what's going through your mind or what your intentions are. At this point I've totally given up on you. I wanted to stick around, like I did before, because I'm like that by nature - I'm stubborn.

But now I don't feel alone in this.
With that reassurance, I'll move on (faster). No longer will I look at our friendship and strive for what it was before. Slowly, I'll learn to come to terms with what we are now. And with such acceptance/realization, I know that I will be slightly more content. Right now, I need that the most. I don't want to feel bitter and upset every time I see you. I want to be content. Even if it means losing out on you.

What a waste, though.
What a waste.

we skipped clubbing for this

2009-02-21T03:09:00.000+11:00

"OKAY! Set. So here's the deal. We'll go stand in the sea. Wait in the blistering cold. Let the tide ride in. And if you buckle, you have to put $5 into the pot. Winner gets a total of $15. OK OK OK?"

Guess who won?
(tsk, boys. you wusses)

rah & kassim; dah set dah*

2009-02-18T14:55:00.002+11:00

& I waited 6 months for you to come back you fuhreak.

no, you wont ruin my night

2009-02-18T02:57:00.000+11:00

FALLOUTBOY / HEY MONDAY / ALL AMERICAN REJECTS
FCKIN KICKED ASS

guess who woke me up this morning?

2009-02-17T23:23:00.000+11:00

now for kassim

2009-02-15T03:52:00.000+11:00

AMIRAH RAHMAT IS (FINALLY) HERE!

happy st. valentines

2009-02-14T01:51:00.000+11:00

love, save the empty
(and save me)

strike one

2009-02-13T21:20:00.000+11:00

This was one Murphy's Law-related Friday the 13th.

i need a treasure map

2009-02-12T19:16:00.001+11:00

[ ] smiling
[ ] taking photographs
[ ] Facebooking
[ ] eating regularly
[ ] sleeping
[ ] talking / entertaining people
[ ] opening up
[ ] writing
[ ] organized
[ ] dream
[X] denial
[X] discontent

give and give

2009-02-09T20:25:00.000+11:00

vent alert:

gjrijg'iorjoissh"kwdowkdopkgoprj0-wie-2p=ds;cdpkvrinhrigjkp[ec,dvmbopkhropgnwfmdcpd]bkmprojJi-otgk0-0o1-04i0-mxkopKxap[pkfdgrjp[a
LEOKEJGEJGPEOJGRPGJOIJGFKPVKIHTGWOW-OTORUGTHJJDPASQ[EKFEGNRGJgjojvokpo'ekfe''dpokvmfjg'jhrgefoejogkpvdsa]dpef-w09824y8throjrofud7vyf6f7brghmem45jw,w,kelsilzdjgbhjknflkmfelf

(breathing)

show yourself

2009-02-09T02:15:00.000+11:00

icannotfindmypolaroidshotofallofusdepressingmuchhhhh

house-sat

2009-02-07T22:41:00.000+11:00

I'd rather have a whole year of a Malaysian weather than a day of 46 degrees in Melbourne.

dancinginthemoonlight REMIX*

2009-02-07T02:41:00.000+11:00

thatisquitethecool, imustsay

what a welcome

2009-02-05T23:35:00.000+11:00

asam laksa and teh tarik

2009-02-04T02:24:00.002+11:00

I'm beginning to like the word, "assface".
(this has nothing to do with the sudden increase of its usage in my vocab nor my impulsive drive of wrath and revenge. why, of course not)

It's just catchy.

care no more, i should

2009-02-02T20:47:00.002+11:00

Ever know what it feels like to befriend someone that is basically too busy for you?

Always attempting at keeping up with the world; always on his/her feet. Double booking, rushed conversations. The "I'd rather have 20 friends rather than 1 close friend" kind. The kind who'll tell you, "Yeah, nothing's much been happening" when you know you've missed out on a relatively large chunk of their lives, but they simply don't have the time (or shall I say, the will?) to explain it to you.

You know you could just..walk away. Because, heck. There are other (better) people out there to befriend. You know it, your mind knows it, even your heart knows it. And yet, you find yourself not even an inch away from where you started. Because you don't want to let go just yet. (either that or you're just plain stubborn, ahah. GO FIGURE GENIUS)

So you return to the same scene, where you're constantly fighting for his/her attention because you desire for some sort of proof, any at all, to show that you are indeed worth a bit of his/her time.

Now try imagining what it's like to be in ~~love~~ like with them.

pardon me while i do a serena

2009-02-02T04:50:00.004+11:00

And already my mind is telling off my body:

Mind:
Bert you inattentive assface,
you shouldn't have told them.

Body:
I know I shouldn't have. I know, I know.
BLAME THE MOUTH.

folie a un

2009-02-01T22:53:00.006+11:00

It felt like someone dropped me right smack onto a nonchalant scene, in one of those old black and white movies.

I dread this kind of depression. It's not the mainstream "my life is shit and I'm emo, just slit my wrists and kill me now" kind. Think psychological-1950's-suburban-life-I-constantly-feel-discontented.

Come to think about it, I'm usually like this a few days before I board a plane, knowing I wont be back for a few months. But I don't get it though.
I know I'm looking forward to going back. I just know it.

So why the fuck am I dreading it all of a sudden?

pretty; unpretty

2009-01-31T23:19:00.000+11:00

So this is what it feels like to be at the point of no return.

welcome new(er) hairdo

2009-01-30T23:12:00.001+11:00

my decade-long affair

refer: facebook notes.

2009-01-28T21:24:00.000+11:00

1. If I wasn't so scared, I'd go drifting in my mom's Golf GTI.
2. I'm allergic to make-up. Which is why I don't wear/buy them. Blessing? Curse? Whatevs.
3. I don't believe in a particular God, but I do believe that I've got an assigned Life Scriptwriter that's out there to screw me over.
4. Favourite smells: freshly brewed coffee, fresh flowers and rain.
5. During pre-school, I used to tell people to refer to me as "Mary Christmas" or "Maria", because "Berlin" sounded like a boy's name and it was not pretty.
6. Only after my English exam in Year 11 / SPM did I learn how to spell "definite" properly.
7. You could make me happy for all eternity if you serve me FANTASTIC asam laksa.
8. I met Daniel Radcliffe, Rhys Wakefield, Zac Efron, Nikki Blonsky and Rove all in one weekend.
9. If ever I were to win a lottery, I'd spent a fine portion of it revamping orphanages and old-folks homes. My dream since I was in primary school.
10. In retaliation towards my parents, I slept on the rooftop for a night.
11. I plan on filling my (Melbourne) bedroom with pretty vintage travel luggage (from the second-hand bazaar along Chapel St).
12. My biggest fear (besides death) is sharp needles. Injections included. It's such a pity because I really want to donate blood and get a nose piercing. Unless, someone knocks me out..
13. I didn't speak (properly) till I was four and I didn't have hair till I was three. Mom initially thought I was "special".
14. If I were gay, I'd totally date Agyness Deyn.
15. I failed Mandrin when I was 8 and never tried it again. Sorry, grandma.
16. I find it most disheartening when friends develop a habit of disappearing once they've found their significant other.
17. So far I've made my mark at Sri KDU and Trinity College, by getting my name engraved on two Award Recipient Boards! Story of my life, ha.
18. Nothing can make my day any better than to receive snail mail.
19. It's the simple out-of-the-ordinary things that boys do that make me (want to) believe again.
20. I still have a recording of my 15-year-old self wishing a bunch of friends good luck for our Year 9 public exam (PMR) on national radio, on the morning of the first exam.
21. It worries me slightly that I have no idea how to organize the perfect 21st birthday, when all of my friends are scattered around the world, across different time-zones.
22. Sometimes, I wished I could slap some hard sense onto true-to-the-heart bitches. Seriously.
23. Come the end of this year: I plan on volunteering myself in another country to do charity, work on a theater/dance production, learn Spanish, and travel to England & the States to visit once-a-year-we-meet friends.
24. You could bribe me with Moleskine books.
25. I yearn to love someone unconditionally and be loved in return.

family portraits

2009-01-27T20:12:00.001+11:00

It's been 7 years, this being the 8th, and yet...I still do not see any trace of us here/there.

so.

2009-01-25T22:19:00.000+11:00

Fess up, child.

one reason why marsh still colour-colours my life

2009-01-24T23:57:00.000+11:00

8 Reasons Why You Must NOT Drink Ribena

1. It ain't worth it! You will get food poisioning - and die.
2. Other stocks of "drinks" do the same thing; it's a world wide plot to kill you.
3. It tastes good due to artificial sweatener.
4. It is a cheap drink! You deserve wine or H²0.
5. Ribena gave you stomach cancer. Do you want to get cancer again?!
6. Ribena is national, it has a lot of practice in tasting good but that does not mean it is real!
7. Ribena just wants to you to drink it. It does not want to drink you.
8. Too many examples of same drinks that do the same thing. Learn from the past!

* BTW, Marsh, it's "poisoning" and "sweetener"

all in a day's work

2009-01-22T23:46:00.000+11:00

(sadfaceforlife)

it's high time i get one

2009-01-21T02:02:00.002+11:00

izzat says:

just the thought of you never having a boyfriend before is edged at the back of my skull because i'm flabbergasted (however you spell it)

the import model says:

why so?

izzat says:

well surprised would be more appropriate, i just can't imagine you never having a boyfriend before.

bedroom antics

2009-01-20T15:00:00.001+11:00

TRANSFER/1st ROUND OFFERS ARE OUT!

so will it be:
option 1
option 2
option 3

can't i just have the bloody vege and be done with it?

2009-01-20T01:57:00.000+11:00

Submarine Symphonika
The Submarines

If you live in the city
And you want it to burn
Because you think nobody could learn
The delicate demons and
Loneliest ways of a heart
Thats been broken

Say what you will,
Love finds you even when,
You've given it up

One after another
You've seen love affairs turn
From the glorious start
To the crash and burn
But Now that you've promised never again
It's exactly when you'll fall in

You've sworn off clubs and bars
Fridays with the girls
You say homes where you'll be
But soon your own sweet love
Who needs you'll be lying in your arms

Say what you will
Love finds you even when,
You've given it up

Everybody deserves to be adored
Why would you settle for less
When the world gives you more?

The Hurt has you now
But soon it'll make you strong
And your loveliness goes on and on

Say what you will
Love a heart thats been broken
Love finds you even when,
You've given up

Say what you will
Say it again and again
Until the whole world knows about it
Love finds you even when,
You've given up

save the palestinians

2009-01-18T23:36:00.002+11:00

oh get on with it already

2009-01-17T23:52:00.002+11:00

I vote a public apology.

(refer: http://fingerscrosseddoubleknot.blogspot.com/2008/11/playing-around-with-scarves.html)

i wonder who you're loving now

2009-01-16T23:23:00.001+11:00

L♥ve?
I think I do, yet not.

kill my fickle minded mind

2009-01-15T23:09:00.001+11:00

e⋅piph⋅a⋅ny / [i-pif-uh-nee]
a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

oh. it's you (again)

2009-01-14T23:41:00.000+11:00

"Might I just say, you're looking absolutely stunning."

Best. Compliment. EVER.
(The world needs more men like this)

hi, i'm kuala lumpur

2009-01-13T23:27:00.000+11:00

"Hi, my name's Berlin"
"Like the capital?"
"Yep"
"You don't happen to be born in the year the wall came down, were you?"
"Actually, I was"
"How very interesting"

Usually I wouldn't give a damn about this (Note: I'm named after the BAND, Berlin - not the wall) but hey, how often do you get to meet the German Ambassador to your home country?

(credits to coco, too)

2009-01-08T23:52:00.002+11:00

WRITER'S RANT:
So, you can't stay innocent forever.

Now it's just a question of when you want to taint your actions. Imagine if there was no external pressure of each society to adapt to. Everyone would be so distinct. There would be no universal teen culture that believe the rites of passage to adulthood go from getting drunk to getting laid. Clearly, there's this conflict between the old and new. The stationary and the ever-changeable.

Whether or not we conform is a subjective matter. If you really feel the need, I suppose no one can stop you, and it's not as though you are going to be ridiculed for what you do these days anyway. It is all about the "exploration of the self" and the context in which we try to live in. Seemingly, society at large tells us to go party and live, apart from just existing. In fact, one would presume that one would be in more trouble and subjected to more ridicule for the things you don't do.

Perhaps by over thinking about this, we're just merely reevaluating things we've already known to be true and constant. Reminding ourselves that our beliefs are special, that the select few who don't buy into this capitalist way of thinking (where everything is a commodity) are immune to whatever is "new" and "revolutionary". Would this be another case of 'us against the world'? The key issue here is dealing with how society as a whole see it. It is a question of majority vs. minority. It is the matter of sussing out the difference between normality and acceptance. And then embracing it with contentment.

At the moment, I tend to contradict my own self. Everyday, I question the validity of my principles because the fact is, they're not properly fixed. I question what I'm doing when I could be doing something else. I question how I would want people to remember me by. Until I sort that out, it will be a neverending debate. But that's okay. I'm not doing this for anyone's sake, no.
I need to do this for me - I know I govern myself.

i just wanna be ok, feel today, know today.

2009-01-07T22:37:00.001+11:00

peer pressure. competition. envy. shocking discoveries. night time scandals. blackmail.

red is an angry colour

2009-01-06T23:58:00.000+11:00

copy; paste

2009-01-06T01:29:00.001+11:00

ALL I NEED TO GET ME THROUGH THE NIGHT ARE NICK & NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST AND POTATO CRISPS.

a night of facing the reality of growing up, pursuing happiness, uncalled (almost) breakups and a potential rendezvous.

it's raining lizards

2009-01-04T20:11:00.000+11:00

thunder bolts and lightning, very very frightening!

get up. dance dance dance

2009-01-03T16:34:00.000+11:00

What if we conform?
What if we give ourselves an excuse?
What if we give in?
What if he hide and lie?
What if we just don't care?
What if we go all the way?
What if we try?
What if we have nothing to lose?
What if we have had enough of over thinking?
What if we do it just once?
What if we repeat?

~~What if~~ Who cares if we end up being hypocrites anyway?
We're only human.

you were going to, but didn't

2009-01-02T21:17:00.000+11:00

merry oh nine

2009-01-01T18:26:00.000+11:00

you have yet to disappoint me, so bring it.
1/1/2009

drenched grass, drenched coat

2008-12-30T04:16:00.000+11:00

How I survived (almost) a decade of this, I do not know.
I think the neighbour must've thought someone died, at the rate I was going.

guitarists and bass players

2008-12-29T19:05:00.000+11:00

Manjuli Madi, because of you I can't look at Aaron Johnson the same way again.
):

christmas in a new light

2008-12-26T01:42:00.000+11:00

i want a nick o'leary

2008-12-25T09:21:00.000+11:00

My new bible.
someone please take me out to see the movie

i vote london next

2008-12-24T20:40:00.000+11:00

This is so uncalled for.
I'm not spending NYE in KL again.

speak your/my mind

2008-12-22T22:16:00.000+11:00

I thought I saw your face today
but I just turned my head away
Your face against the trees
but I just see the memories
as they come,
as they come.
And I couldn't help but fall in love again.

- She & Him

you have one message

2008-12-21T11:14:00.000+11:00

"God bless you, it looks like a chink joint!"
Dear lord, mother.

this is what we do; make efforts*

2008-12-20T19:37:00.000+11:00